If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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