if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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