i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize