Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
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Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
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He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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