My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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