I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize