It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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