I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize