Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
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He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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