I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
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So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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