My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
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Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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