turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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I think I have vodka in my lungs
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
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That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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