Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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