dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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