You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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