an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
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You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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