that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
