we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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