Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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