dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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