Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We need to rekindle our bromance
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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