I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
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Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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