Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize