i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize