I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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