i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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