hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize