Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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