the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
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Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
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It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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