i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
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Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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