Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
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He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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