I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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