Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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