ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize