I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize