Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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