Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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