Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize