Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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