Soap is not a condiment
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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