Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize