What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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