WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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