She is in my trunk
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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