I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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