Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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