I can text with my tongue
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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