I'm jealous of your bromance
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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