cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize