You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
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I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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