I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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